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The Generation Gap and Wearing Pajamas All Day, Every Day

My dad lives with us and we love, absolutely love having Papa in house. Every now and then I find funny little things about living with three generations under one roof. My dad is a baby boomer, a go-getter, and an early riser. I use to be an early riser until I started nursing my newborn again. After we came home from the hospital, some days I was running on zero sleep and my half cup of coffee. I know my dad saw I was struggling the first few weeks of being a mom of two and I think he cut me some slack. He didn’t make one mention of my pajamas all day, every day.

My dad is very passive and I think he really didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Also, he probably knew from having four kids of his own that you should not mess with a mama when she is home with a new baby. I honestly think he thought we were never going to change out of our jams. All three of us. My toddler, my newborn, and me. We started to venture outdoors to play in the yard, in our pajamas. I think this frightened Papa. Maybe the neighbors would see us! Maybe the neighbors would think we had just given up! So after a couple weeks passed, he started to make comments. But not to me, to my toddler. He would say each morning, “Hey why don’t you get up and get showered and get your day going?”. Oh, I may be nursing in my bedroom but I can hear you Papa and maybe, just maybe today we will change out of our jams.

I decided, we will change out of our pajamas! We will change out of our pajamas to go to the grocery store! I have tried really hard since bringing Baby B home to still be presentable in public. Some days its really hard. Baby B spits up constantly, so you can’t put your outfit on until right before you dash out of the house. So, it’s decided we will change out of our pajamas some days but not all days. We won’t completely let you down Papa. We won’t meet you for dinner in our pajamas. We will really try not to run our errands in our pajamas. But…the days we get to snuggle and play all day, we will probably stay in our pajamas all day.

Down Day

Thursdays are always a little quieter in our house. It’s the day of the week, every week, that my 3 year old son is always at his dad’s house. This day is always a struggle for me, so I call it my down day. Down day can be interpreted two different ways and how we handle that determines how our day will go.

The first way to interpret down day is to be down, sad, and cry at everything. I’m not better than this interpretation of down day, I have done this many times. I will feel sorry for myself and make myself feel like the victim of the situation, of my previous marriage. I know that many parents with joint parenting time feel the same heartache I feel on these days; knowing that I’m not the only one that feels this way helps me on these days. I have to remind myself that my son needs his biological dad too, he needs to know him, he needs to spend time with his grandparents. That is all good for him and what he needs always wins over what mama needs. When I feel like I’m doing what is right for my son that makes me feel a little better too.

The second way to interpret down day is to think of it as a reset day and to reflect on what’s going on in our lives. And now I have a baby B to snuggle with and reflect with on these down days. When I start my day as this kind of down day, my day is much brighter. I reflect on everything I am thankful for and maybe even get a few extra chores done.

Down days aren’t easy but we have to make the most of the cards we have been dealt. We can’t give in and be down and sad on these days because we need to take care of ourselves so we can be the best mamas and daddies that we can be when all our little ones are around. We don’t want our littles to feel bad or guilty when they go to their other parent’s house. That’s not fair for them. Yes, sometimes we will be sad and give into that down day but we don’t have to stay there. This year I AM going to have more down days that I reset and reflect and less down days where I am sad. If I end up having a few sad down days here and there, that’s okay. We have to have a goal and even if we mess up, know we are doing the best we can.

The Year of Change

2018 brought many blessings to our new blended family. J and I decided to elope in Alaska after finding out we were expecting, which was magical to say the least. So, J put a ring on it and then we started this journey of marriage together…for the second time. Neither one of us expected our second marriage to come so quickly but sometimes good things happen fast.

Late into the summer of 2018 with a very pregnant and uncomfortable wife, J decided that he should suggest me staying home with the boys. I struggled with leaving my career. I had spent the last eleven years after college dedicating myself to my career in corporate America and I honestly wasn’t sure who I was without my job title. After a lot of contemplating and tears and reading other women’s stories about making this transition, I decided to go for it. I wasn’t sure how or when to break the news to my boss until one day I just blurted it out. Wow! What a feeling of relief and excitement, and oh my god anxiety! Like I said, I wasn’t sure who I was without my job title. I was about to find out! I left the job title behind and settled with a part time position with the company that I had given my last eleven years to. That position and my 3 year old kept me preoccupied until I went on maternity leave.

At the end of October we welcomed the newest member of our family into the world, a beautiful baby boy. This is boy #3 into our blended family and we couldn’t be happier. Since having this little guy I have struggled with the thought of even going back to work part time. I’m having the same issues I had with my first son. Who can take care of my baby as good as me? Who can I trust with this little human? Even if it is only a few days a month, who could do this?!?! No one, it has to be me. So, here I am declaring it out loud to the world I am going to be a full time mommy and that is it. They say smart mamas raise smart babies! I’m excited to see where this journey at home with my two babes takes me and excited to share what I learn along the way.