Guardian Angels Come in All Sizes

We all have a special connection with all of our children. We all live to care for our littles and shower them with love. Sometimes, even with our best attempt to hide it, we need a little extra love and care when we hit a rough patch in life.

When my ex and I first split I had a really hard time with it. I felt like I didn’t have a reason why we were splitting, but it was obvious it was over. I was depressed. I had never been so overcome with grief in my life. I felt like my future and all the plans I had made for our family just slipped out of my fingers and were gone. But, there was this amazing little boy we had. At the time of the split he had just been 2 for a month, he was so little still Since the split, he has been my shadow and he has taught me so much.

He hugged me and patted me when I was crying on the kitchen floor. He tried to feed me when I wasn’t eating. He showered me with his little love because as much as he needed me, I needed him more. Because of my little guy I was able to pull myself out of that rut and quick. I started to work out and take walks with my dad in the evenings. I started seeing a therapist to help me work through what I was feeling. I started to find new hobbies to fill my time when my son was with his dad. And when I decided to start dating, my little guy helped me there too.

When I met J it all fell into place and things seemed too good to be true. I had felt like I had truly met someone that knew my soul. But, when my son met him that’s when I knew for sure that J was the one. My little guy has always been shy when meeting new people. When he met J, he hugged him and let him carry him the first day. He instantly took to J and that was the stamp of approval I needed. Nobody else’s opinion even mattered anymore.

As I sit here and type this blog, my little angels are right beside me. My eldest in the chair next to me playing and my baby boy in his rocker to my other side. I strive to be the best mama to these little guys that I can be. I will never forget what my first born babe taught me when our lives were changing so much. Sometimes the hardest lessons we learn are taught by the tiniest guardian angels.

Little Treasures

We tend to move through life fast. Caring for an infant, a toddler, and my husband tend to keep me pretty busy. Currently my infant doesn’t want to be put down ever, like not even for 5 minutes. I have decided to just wear him most of the time to at least free up my hands. My toddler is energetic, busy, and always calling for mommy. My husband, I love this man to death, but he can never find the work pants hanging where the work pants are suppose to be hung. (We organized his closet with work clothes and non-work clothes, so this has helped.) We can get so wrapped up in all these little things in life that keep us going non stop.

This is why I love Sundays. The day of the week I know that my hubby will always be home. It’s the day of the week we can take it slow and enjoy each other. My hubby and I can lay in bed and admire these two little perfect boys that through the night ended up in our bed. We can look at these sweet little angels that are off in dream land and sometimes Baby B will smile in his sleep. We can make coffee and breakfast together. We get to run errands on Sunday together or we get to enjoy eating lunch out together. It really doesn’t matter what we do because we are doing it together. We get to appreciate our togetherness and the fun things our boys are learning and doing.

So go ahead and take a day that you ignore that heaping basket of dirty laundry or those dishes from dinner the night before. Take a day you don’t have to do anything, but you get to do things together. Even if its like us and its just fun to go to the grocery store together (and easier with my husband there too). Take in the smiles from your loved ones, the house you’ve made a home, together, and take in all those little treasures.

Down Day

Thursdays are always a little quieter in our house. It’s the day of the week, every week, that my 3 year old son is always at his dad’s house. This day is always a struggle for me, so I call it my down day. Down day can be interpreted two different ways and how we handle that determines how our day will go.

The first way to interpret down day is to be down, sad, and cry at everything. I’m not better than this interpretation of down day, I have done this many times. I will feel sorry for myself and make myself feel like the victim of the situation, of my previous marriage. I know that many parents with joint parenting time feel the same heartache I feel on these days; knowing that I’m not the only one that feels this way helps me on these days. I have to remind myself that my son needs his biological dad too, he needs to know him, he needs to spend time with his grandparents. That is all good for him and what he needs always wins over what mama needs. When I feel like I’m doing what is right for my son that makes me feel a little better too.

The second way to interpret down day is to think of it as a reset day and to reflect on what’s going on in our lives. And now I have a baby B to snuggle with and reflect with on these down days. When I start my day as this kind of down day, my day is much brighter. I reflect on everything I am thankful for and maybe even get a few extra chores done.

Down days aren’t easy but we have to make the most of the cards we have been dealt. We can’t give in and be down and sad on these days because we need to take care of ourselves so we can be the best mamas and daddies that we can be when all our little ones are around. We don’t want our littles to feel bad or guilty when they go to their other parent’s house. That’s not fair for them. Yes, sometimes we will be sad and give into that down day but we don’t have to stay there. This year I AM going to have more down days that I reset and reflect and less down days where I am sad. If I end up having a few sad down days here and there, that’s okay. We have to have a goal and even if we mess up, know we are doing the best we can.